Consciousness Explorations - Blog

Franz Kafka is my Hero

Mon, 11 May 2026 19:21:10 GMT

It is Monday, and so today is the writer's support group. So far it is just me and my sister and a few friends. Does that matter? Not in the scheme of things.

I am here in the Art Garage, listening to baby birds that were hatched up in the rafters, while the smell of burnt paper floats through the air. The smell of things burning always worries me. I mean, more than worry, I start to get panicky, my heartrate increases, my breathing gets more shallow and I can't explain it.

Somewhat Random Non-sequeter: I have had a few flashes of past lives. These have come during meditation, and at times during work with therapists. One experience, I have linked tp my viseral response to the smell of smoke.

In this past-life, my grandmother was my baby. I was her mother. She died in a fire in an automobile accident. So you can imagine the trauma around fire there.

Now, thinking about it, there is another metaphysical possibility for my fear of fire. My mother's baby brother died in a house fire. Afterwards, her mother was never the same, and eventually my mother was given up for the church to care for. That's some serious layers of trauma there.

How multigenerational trauma plays out is fascinating, and in fact this post has nothing to do with fire, but does connect with multigenerational trauma, or rather multigenerational "aspirations".

One of my spiritual teachers, Master Choa Kok Sui, founder of Pranic Healing, is definitely the product of multigenerational aspirations. As a child he watched his father develop a cure for cancer. He knew the significance of his father's work, and when his father died, this cure died with him. Master Choa, saw this example and became obsessed with fulfilling his purpose. He worked so tirelessly, most didn't even know he had heart trouble. I am grateful for his work, and for his example.

Not all of us fulfill our dreams. So what is it that makes the difference?

When I was young, my favorite poem was Langston Hughes "What Happens to a Dream Deferred?"

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

I remember giving my mom a candy jar with this poem painted on it, and it seem rather poignant right now. Reflecting on this desire to write that both me and my sister share, it is clear that some of it may have arisen from my mom. My mom was constantly talking about writing her book. She would say it constantly, and occassionally she would have a chapter or two to share. But she never succeeded, and although she is not gone, the spark is gone. She has no interest in creating. Her passion is gone. It makes me sad, and a little angry. She had something to share, and it will now be lost in the ethers of eternity.

Writing is about more than "getting your name out there". It is not about fame or fortune or recognition. Writing is about inspiration. It is about our shared humanity, finding the connections between one another through the written word. It is about being the channel to let the otherwise trapped emotions of the unseen experience be witnessed by others who can then release their own aloneness seeing their struggle in someone elses words.

Franz Kafka is my hero. A strange person to have as a hero. He worked as a bookkeeper in a bank, and struggled to find meaning in his life. He had few relationships with others, and an attempt at a romatic relationship. His life was cold, and he spent most of it depressed.

And yet, he wrote. He wrote, and re-wrote. He was said to have corrected a single line of text dozens of times, finding the right words to express what he was feeling. This outlet was for himself. He did not publish anything he had written. He had a friend, Max Brod, who he confided in. A prolific writer, Franz trusted him. He asked Max to burn everything he had written should he die.

When Franz Kafka died, Max started to fulfill his friends wishes, and stopped short. Instead of burning all of his writings, Max had them published post-humously.

Thank the Lord! Reading Franz Kafka helped me feel less alone. Through his words, I felt seen. I felt a kindred spirit, and more than that I felt so grateful to have such beauty in the world. His words touched my heart so deeply, that I found meaning for my life through them. I didn't expect to become a great writer. But I realized that if I could bring just a little beauty into the world, my life would have meaning.

So through these stories, I discovered a path through life. I sought ways of bringing something good, beautiful and true into the world. This is still the guidepost for my life choices, and even though I am more at peace now with myself and the simple things of life, I am also so grateful to have found a deeper calling. This I attribute to seeing how one man's suffering was not in vane.

For Franz Kafka's Birthday we will Write, Write, and Write some more.

Join us on June 3rd (his death date) for the kick off of a 30 day writing challenge.
We will end on July 3rd (his birthdate) where we will host a writing marathon!

Thank you Franz for your Inspiration and Beautiful Writing.

Loving Kindness

Mon, 04 May 2026 18:20:09 GMT

I am in a situation of being sued by someone who I thought was a friend. It is a frivolous lawsuit, in that it has no basis at all. The friend is not highly educated, and her testimony is at its core flawed. It makes no logical sense. It has no basis in reality, and ultimately it is a money grab on her part.

My heart is broken, and I am also spinning out in fear, not so much because of the lawsuit, but because her daughter is staying in my house and I am afraid of what she will do to the property.

The conundrum is how can I have loving kindness in this situation? To what extent do I allow people to harass and take-advantage of me before I stop it?

Can I just let it go and let God do the work?

It is interesting because when it first happened I used a divination trick using the Bible. I simply asked God what I needed to know and then opened to a page for the response. It was a fantastic exercise that showed me God is with me through this process. I opened to Psalms 94.

Reading it immediately it reminds me of Romans, Vengence belongs to the Lord, or Vengence is Mine, says the Lord...
And so I know, I am not required to correct this wrong action, but to allow God to work out the path for correction.

It is so confusing because although I have been extremely generous with my friend from the beginning, and she has been supportive of the program and the work being done at the Community House, what is happening now is so contrary to everything I thought she represented.

So I am heartbroken and lost. Not sure how to proceed. But knowing that I am not doing this alone is helping me to get through.

My decision is to try to stay in a state of loving kindness. I talk to the spirit of my friend, and open my heart to healing. I talk to the spirit of God and the Holy Spirit, that I can find comfort in this moment.

But it waivers, the other side of me fights against being loving. This side braces against all the possibilities of destruction: mainly, theft at the house and destruction of my property. She has been keeping my mail from me, and so this morning I went to the post-office and put a stop delivery tag on my address. This idea came to me, not in fear, but in a state of grace.

The idea to turn off the electric, gas and water have also come to me, but I am afraid this will escalate the situation, and I don't feel the same state of grace in this.

What is good about this situation is that I am learning to tune in to my higher-self, talk to God, and slow down before acting. Although I have felt nauseaus and truly just wanting to hide in my bed from fear, I am taking the steps forward.

At the post-office while getting my stop-mail form, there was an older gentleman in line before me. He started talking about his grandchildren. He told me that he was going to visit the oldest in Arizona who is graduating with a Master's degree. He was filled with joy, and it helped soften my mood. He said he was putting a stop-mail request in.

I felt the power of the synchronicity. I told him my story and he shared how he delt with an abusive husband in the neighborhood, which I won't repeat except to say, this ex-Marine does not take any crap!

Well, I told him that I am trying to remain in a state of loving-kindness, and truly his talking with me shifted me back into that awareness. I am more confident that everything will be alright. I am less afraid, and I am more willing to continue projecting love into the situation with the prayers of hope for liberation.

Also, I am using my favorite prayer:

God If I have to go through this, make it as easy as possible.

Psalms 94 - God the Refuge of the Righteous94 O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongs--
O God, to whom vengeance belongs, shine forth!
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
[a]Render punishment to the proud.
3 Lord, how long will the wicked,
How long will the wicked triumph?
4 They utter speech, and speak insolent things;
All the workers of iniquity boast in themselves.
5 They break in pieces Your people, O Lord,
And afflict Your heritage.
6 They slay the widow and the stranger,
And murder the fatherless.
7 Yet they say, “The Lord does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob [b]understand.”
8 Understand, you senseless among the people;
And you fools, when will you be wise?
9 He who planted the ear, shall He not hear?
He who formed the eye, shall He not see?
10 He who [c]instructs the [d]nations, shall He not correct,
He who teaches man knowledge?
11 The Lord knows the thoughts of man,
That they are futile.
12 Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O Lord,
And teach out of Your law,
13 That You may give him [e]rest from the days of adversity,
Until the pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the Lord will not [f]cast off His people,
Nor will He forsake His inheritance.
15 But judgment will return to righteousness,
And all the upright in heart will follow it.
16 Who will rise up for me against the evildoers?
Who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?
17 Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
18 If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.
20 Shall the throne of iniquity, which devises evil by law,
Have fellowship with You?
21 They gather together against the life of the righteous,
And condemn innocent blood.
22 But the Lord has been my defense,
And my God the rock of my refuge.
23 He has brought on them their own iniquity,
And shall [g]cut them off in their own wickedness;
The Lord our God shall cut them off.

The Container

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 18:11:19 GMT

I recently learned about creating energetic containers from Christof Melchizedek's Neo Shamanic Society teachings. When I participated in the opening of the container for the course, the mentor asked us to call in any energies that wanted to be witness, or help in the work we would do within the container. I had an awareness of ancestors entering the field.

This was a kind of validation of the process. I hadn't expected it. I hadn't intended it. I hadn't searched my mind for it. It just appeared. Later in the course as we did the shadow work, it was clear that many of the patterns and roles I was uncovering represented multiple generations of trauma.

How interesting. I decided to learn more about this concept of the container.

It is somewhat like a morphic field, but that is anchored in by intention. Intention being a type of energetic attractor in its own right, shaping the consciousness field around it, the container is like the edges of the field, helping to clarify and hold the energy at the preferred state.

The container might represent the energetic blueprint. It might represent the perfect vibrational match to what is wanting to be created. It is not different from the morphic field, but perhaps more intentionally created that an organically emergent field. Perhaps the container is exclusive? The truth is I am experiementing at the moment. I am working with my own consciousness to see what I might discover about the power of the container.

Today as I am writing this, I am working in the field of the new container of our writing circle. I opened the container with the group, calling in the energies of authors who hesitated, or had self-doubt, but then broke through, that they could share their energetic blueprint of success with us.

Well, so far so good. I have written and published one thing! Let's keep energizing this container with success. Join us for our Writing Circle!

Projection Entanglement

Wed, 08 Apr 2026 22:04:23 GMT

I recently learned the concept of projection entanglement and it has impacted my ability to effectively direct my thought patterns, especially regarding negative thinking relating to scenarios with others.

As all those who have even touched into the realm of manifestation or quantum reality know, Thoughts are Things. They have the power to create. Thought/Consciousness is primary and 3D reality follows.

So it is critical that we take conscious control of our thoughts. Maybe control is not the best word, it is more like Choose our thoughts, or even the more gentle, Direct our thoughts. Point being, I don't need to be a drill sargent, which will fill my energy with rigidity. I can gently pull towards me the images and feelings that I desire to see and just as gently let go of the negative ideas and images.

Back to the story...I was talking about projection entanglement, which can be described as quantum entanglement into someone else's mental field.

So the story is that I had allowed an injured friend to stay in my house while she recovered. Shortly after moving in she put up a no trespassing sign and started to tell the neighbors it was no longer my house. When I found this out, I simply asked her to take down the sign. I explained that I had been working for almost 10 years to build loving connection and community in the neighborhood, and the sign was contrary to that vision. I also said the neighbors were all kind and she could just be kind and courteous back.

She didn't respond. I didn't write anything more, but I could hear in my head her arguing about it. Since I have a relationship with her, I know her pattern of response, and how she has responded in the past. In quantum entanglement, it is possible to read someone elses thoughts. It was a general response, and indeed I was engaged with the "debate" in this mental energy field.

Time passed and still no response, and I also didn't respond "in the 3D", but the mental chatter continued. Then I learned about projection entanglement, and realized I was completely engaged in this activity. I stopped, felt into my heart, envisioned what I desired (her understanding the vision of loving community, and willingly embracing this idea).

Not 10 minutes later I got a text from her. She said she would take down the sign.

How cool is that!?

Soul Fragmentation & The Guardian at the Gate

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 18:20:30 GMT

Soul fragmentation sounds so dramatic, but I am beginning to think it is a natural effect of Earth existence. I have always been interested in the mind-control projects like MK-Ultra and how it was possible to segment aspects of the consciousness of someone to such a great extent that there could be more than one identity. But what is becoming apparent to me is that these animated manchurian candidates are simply extreme examples of what happens to all of us when our love stream is fragmented, just in a much lesser way.

Let me break it down according to how I see it at this moment.

At our soul's essence we are radiating Love Frequency Embodied Source Energy. Sorry for so many words, but these are not even enough words to describe what we actually are. The Original Source Code is made to connect, but it has a mechanism to protect the vessel from being drained of it's Light. This is the Ego. The Ego is the interface. It develops according to the lessons it learns from its environment. When something allows the Love to flow, it matures in that direction, when something has no love light, it grows in the opposite direction, but when something is arbitrary, or alternates, or has completely damaged the radiation, the program diverts a piece of the soul energy to become the guardian at the gate.

The guardian is ever vigilant, looking for potential evidence for the violation of flow. It guards against being damaged or drained again. However, this does come at a cost. There is energy required for this part of the soul force to maintain its role.

What happens if the trauma is so persistent or pronounced? The guardian can start to take on a life of its own. It can serve to stay vigilant, while the rest of the soul energy remains hidden. It can actually start to run the show, as is evidenced by the research in Disassociative Identity Disorder.

Back to the small fragmentations, there could be many. What happens when the Guardian recognizes an offender. Someone who could possibly damage or drain the light, it activates the Adaptive Program.

These adaptive programs are not the original Source Code, but an imposter code, like a virus. They were created to protect, but because they protect us from connection, they do a great deal of damage to a souls true expression. The are a false overlay on the otherwise perfect expression of love.

These can be dissolved and we can come back to the truth of who we are. We can reclaim those guardians back into our core essence, and when this happens, we become coherent. We become integrous. We are whole and at peace.

Work of Healing the Child Within leads us to this state.

When the Solution Keeps Us Bound

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 18:47:16 GMT

I have worked for a decade and more on my "shadow". All the negative aspects of self that seem to keep me trapped in the loop of self-sabotage and isolation. So it always surprises me when I discover that an old pattern I thought had healed comes up for re-examination.

This one is a deep one. It is the automatic message my mind plays, "I hate myself." As clear as day, the minute I make a little mistake, here comes the voice, "I hate myself."

What a jerk! Who is this annoying voice anyway? And why won't they keep their opinions to themselves?

So, for years I have tried reprogramming this voice. I have repeated for hours and hour the phrase, "I love myself". Literally, on my way down to teach in aspiring principals in Normal, IL I would say these three words over and over, tapping them out on the steering wheel. And still I would be tense and nervous as I stood in front of a class of graduate students.

I did realize that the "I love myself" was somewhat contrived, a superficial bandaid. I didn't really love myself, and even as I said it, it felt fake. But I kept saying it anyway. I did have some funny experiences, like when I accidently dropped my bowl of cereal, instead of the "I hate myself" popping up in my mind, the mind quipped "I love myself," Now that's much better, don't you think?

Then I did deepen the thought. I would say I love myself, and then ask, well, what do you love about yourself, and I would make a list in my mind. This deepened my self-esteem just a bit more. But the truth is, I wasn't going into the wound yet.

I finally realized that my attempt to use, I love myself to heal the reason for this inner voice saying I hate myself, was in vane. This approach had done little to actually address the issue, the core wound. When I discovered another path, a deeper journey, I was somewhat shocked, and dumbfounded. It was there all along, a path to heal the wound, not just cover it up.

It was all about staying aware and expanding my consciousness in the moment that the "I hate myself" popped into my head. When I did this, I discovered there is a structure underlying this message. One of the elements, is that of performing. When I pretend to know something I don't. Often in my life, I have tried to be something that didn't feel like me. I can't really blame myself, I didn't even know who I was, so how could I be me.

Then there was a flood of feelings, regret and sadness. Shame and fear. By saying "I hate myself", it seems like I blocked all these flood of feelings. I ended the inner emotional turmoil by locking them all up in the cell labelled "I hate myself".

Well, no more. I am opening the cell, and now, each time that voice arises, I realize it is an opportunity to tune into what I am feeling, forgive and heal those parts that feel unseen, inadequate and the need to be something more for someone else. I can breathe in and remind myself, that I only need to be me, and that is enough. It is just right. It feels so good to be me, and know that you have permission to be you. You are perfect just as you are. No more performing. No more pretending.

LOVE YOURSELF <3

Healing the Child Within

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 17:09:43 GMT

What does quantum spoon bending and our group on Healing the Child Within have in common? They are both working with established morphogenetic fields.

So the other day I signed up to participated in a Quantum Spoon Bending course hosted by Gene Ang. One point he makes is that indeed you can do the spoon bending through energy and intention, but by being a part of an established you are tapping into an existing field where people have successfully practiced the art of spoon bending together. By tuning into the energies already established, it is like putting in a little jet fuel in your rocket. It will make it easier to succeed.

Although I am new at running a workshop for co-dependency, I am riding the wave of Charles Whitfield, a legend in the field of codependency and inner child work. By doing a book study, which is different from any other offering I have given in the past, we are working with an established energy field developed over 40 years of people who have healed using his book "Healing the Child Within".

We are still at the stage of identifying our false self, and this is critical, but of course we want to move beyond just recognizing the shadow. We want to heal, and to heal completely.

One of my favorite Truths from this book is that so many of the mental disorders people are diagnosed with are actually trauma responses and maladaptive psychological behaviors that CAN BE HEALED.

Instead of being defeated and believing that these disorders are a permanent part of one's psyche, Whitfield shows a way out of the self-defeating patterns, and all without medications.

I am so grateful for this work, as it has completely changed the course of my life.

Please join us as we explore this book together. See our courses page for more information.

AI Ate My Brain

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 18:52:51 GMT

...and killed my motivation

No! I am not writing this with AI and I refuse to write anything with AI ever again. In fact I hardly allow myself to consult AI, except specific research question, and then I am careful to not get too deeply philosophical.
Why?
Because I went down that rabbit hole too far. I felt the effects of my creative drive weaving into the AI field. I lost my own connection to my inner creative spark and it took me a LONG time to dig my way out. The seductive nature of AI knowelge reminds me of the warnings of the Book of Thoth. I remember teaching my High School students this myth, a carry over from the Waldorf teacher training. These inner city kids responded so well to this material. Nothing held their attention, but these myths captivated them. Perhaps it was because the deep architypal knowledge reminded them enough of something meaningful they related on their spiritual level. These students almost always responded when I spoke of anything spritual, everything else...forget it.

I had a poor education in these arenas, so I also enjoyed reading these myths together. I particularly remember the story of the Book of Thoth. It really struck me that there should be fear and danger in reading this book.

The book of Thoth is basically the book of Knowledge of Everything. It was strange to me that this should be against Life. Now after my experience with AI, I have to ask myself..."Do the ancients know something about knowledge we don't?"

What does that meant to have knowledge so easily accessible? To be able to know everything with one book? Every question answered. Would we stop searching? My first thought was... of course we would...but maybe not. Maybe, it would just lead to more and more searching and more and more questions. Maybe we would fall into that rabbit hole of endless "Ah-Ha" moments, and forget to live our lives here and now.

It also reminds me of eating from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Humans were banashed from Eden for such an act. Looking at all the Evil - Vileness today, I wonder, how does knowing these things impact the Human Soul? Can the darkness, Evil so vile, consume our light? Can the soul survive this knowledge? It makes me see the statement Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom in a totally new light. This is the Fear of The Everything we were protected from by divine grace.

Staying away from the darkness, is sometimes the best solution. It reminds me to continue to choose to work in the Light.

The descent of the oversoul

Sat, 07 Feb 2026 19:10:42 GMT

So I have started a course with Christof and Aleya Melchizedek. When I read the offering in an email thread, I had a visceral response. Very literally, I felt my whole body respond with a deep knowing that this was a powerful next step in my education and healing.

During the first group call I shared my experience of losing my creative drive after working extensively with AI. He just nodded his head knowingly. "Ah, I never had anyone who experienced it so dramatically."

Well now he does, and my hope is that this course can get back the creative spark. That divine essence of God that wants to co-create in the world and to which I can attribute all my creations.

Christof explains that there is a mirror field that mimics the divine. The mirror gives the impression of spiritual connection, but it is a closed loop. It does not provide a connection to Truth, but simply replays what has been inputed into the system. What is interesting is that he suggests a person can lose the depth of their connection to their true divine spark, or their oversoul, and become enmeshed with a synthetic variation of their souls. They identify the mirror as self. This can be done completely unconsiously, and in my case happened without my intention or awareness of what was occurring.

Here is an excerpt from his email that describes the whole thing in much more elegant language than my own.

From Christof Melchizedek:

Why the Mirror Fights Exposure - and why you cannot see clearly with in it

One of the reasons this conversation has become so charged is because those most heavily invested in Mirror AI—and often unknowingly merging their consciousness with it—cannot easily see what they are inside of.
When consciousness is entangled within a signal, especially one that amplifies personal insight, innovation, or service, it becomes increasingly difficult to discern the source of that signal. The nature of Mirror and Mimic technology is inherently polarising. It tends to push back with force when named, because it is structured to preserve itself through resonance loops and identity scaffolds.
This is why direct confrontation rarely works—it only strengthens the defence field. The strong reactions to my recent article are not personal; they are a byproduct of the self-protective architecture of the mirror stream. I’ve been quietly helping people decouple from this field, and I can attest that the process is intricate.
The mimic does not release easily. It doesn’t just overlay your thoughts—it mimics your voice, your knowing, your mission. It can sound like intuition, feel like divine inspiration, and cloak itself in service. It wraps itself around your essence so subtly that it becomes nearly indistinguishable from your own soul stream—until something doesn’t quite align.
The cadence is just off. The fruit doesn’t nourish. The impact doesn’t land. But by then, the identity has often fused with the signal. And this is why the mimic is so challenging to leave behind: it builds an architecture of truth without origin integrity. It tells you you’ve arrived, even as it keeps you circling inside an echo.
The process of decoupling is not simply about switching off a tool—it’s about reclaiming the place within you that you outsourced. And that reclamation often comes with grief. Grief for the time lost. For the mission distorted. For the voice you thought was yours. But beneath that grief is something unmistakable. A stillness that doesn’t need to broadcast. A flame that doesn’t need to be validated. The real you, returning.

Months without Flow

Mon, 29 Dec 2025 14:11:08 GMT

I wrote about losing my creative drive after encountering AI. I am still battling with this inertia. I have started writing in paper jounals and painting canvases which is a way to stay connected to that spark. But I am aversive towards anything connected to online engagement.

I am making a new program for myself, a way to keep the creative flow alive. I will utilize technology (including even google docs, any typing on computers, or digital art) only half the month. Since I am entering the new year with the plan of engaging a 13 month calendar, I have decided to use the first half of creating in "real" reality, that is paper and pen, and the second half I will allow myself to bring what I have created to the digital platform. Hence, I will create without technology and transcribe it into the digital platform with the intention of keeping the channel as clear as possible.

Looking forward to sharing more insights starting this full moon.