My sister has a very different world view than I do.  That should not make us dislike each other any more than having a different hair color should make me dislike someone.  On the contrary, contrast is what this earthly experience is all about.  The contrast can help deepen my sense of self and other awareness.  The contrast is what makes a work of art beautiful.  

Recognizing the power of contrast is the beginning of sovereign choice. 

What I mean by this is literal.  When I judge, my emotions create a charge that affects both my perception and my action.  I lose the chance to see things objectively.   I start reacting to those charged beliefs.

However, when I observe the world as being in a natural state of contrast, rather than judge it, I free myself of the emotional weight and entanglement. When I move into the position of objective observer I can recognize the contrast as a polarity within this consciousness matrix.  I can embrace it as a part of the whole. 

Certainly this observer, detached perspective has power, still, I don’t want to denounce the power of the will and a forceful No when the situation calls for it.  But, for the most part our emotional pushing against things that we don't like, only creates more entanglement, and less freedom.  The pushing binds us to what we don’t want.  

Here is an exercise I have used to help move out of the judgment and despair of seeing what I apparently do not agree within my current experience.  

Notice, Name, Honor.

You can do this in the moment, or you can do this when you can sit and reflect on an experience you are going through.  Simply sit with the memory.  

Notice the emotions.  Where in the body do you feel the contraction, tension or discomfort?  Breathe into that spot.

Name what is the contrasting teaching you?  Name the feelings.  Name the beliefs being challenged.  Continue to notice anything coming up and changing in your body.

Honor the feelings as real.  Honor your beliefs and your desires as real.  Now honor the other person on their path.  Send love from your heart to theirs.  Opening the heart is the greatest way to evolve spiritually.  The Way of the Heart is the Way of Remembrance.

It is Monday, and so today is the writer's support group.  So far it is just me and my sister and a few friends.  Does that matter?  Not in the scheme of things.  

I am here in the Art Garage, listening to baby birds that were hatched up in the rafters, while the smell of burnt paper floats through the air.  The smell of things burning always worries me.  I mean, more than worry, I start to get panicky, my heartrate increases, my breathing gets more shallow and I can't explain it.    

Somewhat Random Non-sequeter: I have had a few flashes of past lives. These have come during meditation, and at times during work with therapists.  One experience, I have linked tp my viseral response to the smell of smoke.

In this past-life, my grandmother was my baby. I was her mother.  She died in a fire in an automobile accident.  So you can imagine the trauma around fire there. 

Now, thinking about it, there is another metaphysical possibility for my fear of fire. My mother's baby brother died in a house fire.  Afterwards, her mother was never the same, and eventually my mother was given up for the church to care for.  That's some serious layers of trauma there.

How multigenerational trauma plays out is fascinating, and in fact this post has nothing to do with fire, but does connect with multigenerational trauma, or rather multigenerational "aspirations".  

One of my spiritual teachers, Master Choa Kok Sui, founder of Pranic Healing, is definitely the product of multigenerational aspirations.  As a child he watched his father develop a cure for cancer.  He knew the significance of his father's work, and when his father died, this cure died with him.  Master Choa, saw this example and became obsessed with fulfilling his purpose.  He worked so tirelessly, most didn't even know he had heart trouble.  I am grateful for his work, and for his example.

Not all of us fulfill our dreams.  So what is it that makes the difference?

When I was young, my favorite poem was Langston Hughes "What Happens to a Dream Deferred?"

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

I remember giving my mom a candy jar with this poem painted on it, and it seem rather poignant right now.  Reflecting on this desire to write that both me and my sister share, it is clear that some of it may have arisen from my mom.  My mom was constantly talking about writing her book.  She would say it constantly, and occassionally she would have a chapter or two to share.  But she never succeeded, and although she is not gone, the spark is gone.  She has no interest in creating.  Her passion is gone.  It makes me sad, and a little angry.  She had something to share, and it will now be lost in the ethers of eternity.

Writing is about more than "getting your name out there".  It is not about fame or fortune or recognition.  Writing is about inspiration.  It is about our shared humanity, finding the connections between one another through the written word.  It is about being the channel to let the otherwise trapped emotions of the unseen experience be witnessed by others who can then release their own aloneness seeing their struggle in someone elses words.

Franz Kafka is my hero.  A strange person to have as a hero.  He worked as a bookkeeper in a bank, and struggled to find meaning in his life.  He had few relationships with others, and an attempt at a romatic relationship.  His life was cold, and he spent most of it depressed.  

And yet, he wrote.  He wrote, and re-wrote.  He was said to have corrected a single line of text dozens of times, finding the right words to express what he was feeling.  This outlet was for himself.  He did not publish anything he had written.  He had a friend, Max Brod, who he confided in.  A prolific writer, Franz trusted him.  He asked Max to burn everything he had written should he die.

When Franz Kafka died, Max started to fulfill his friends wishes, and stopped short.  Instead of burning all of his writings, Max had them published post-humously.  

Thank the Lord!  Reading Franz Kafka helped me feel less alone.  Through his words, I felt seen.  I felt a kindred spirit, and more than that I felt so grateful to have such beauty in the world.  His words touched my heart so deeply, that I found meaning for my life through them.  I didn't expect to become a great writer.  But I realized that if I could bring just a little beauty into the world, my life would have meaning.  

So through these stories, I discovered a path through life.  I sought ways of bringing something good, beautiful and true into the world.  This is still the guidepost for my life choices, and even though I am more at peace now with myself and the simple things of life, I am also so grateful to have found a deeper calling.  This I attribute to seeing how one man's suffering was not in vane.  

For Franz Kafka's Birthday we will Write, Write, and Write some more.

Join us on June 3rd (his death date) for the kick off of a 30 day writing challenge.
We will end on July 3rd (his birthdate) where we will host a writing marathon!

Thank you Franz for your Inspiration and Beautiful Writing.

​

I am in a situation of being sued by someone who I thought was a friend.  It is a frivolous lawsuit, in that it has no basis at all.  The friend is not highly educated, and her testimony is at its core flawed.  It makes no logical sense.  It has no basis in reality, and ultimately it is a money grab on her part.

My heart is broken, and I am also spinning out in fear, not so much because of the lawsuit, but because her daughter is staying in my house and I am afraid of what she will do to the property.

The conundrum is how can I have loving kindness in this situation?  To what extent do I allow people to harass and take-advantage of me before I stop it? 

Can I just let it go and let God do the work?  

It is interesting because when it first happened I used a divination trick using the Bible.  I simply asked God what I needed to know and then opened to a page for the response.  It was a fantastic exercise that showed me God is with me through this process.  I opened to Psalms 94.

Reading it immediately it reminds me of Romans, Vengence belongs to the Lord, or Vengence is Mine, says the Lord... 
And so I know, I am not required to correct this wrong action, but to allow God to work out the path for correction.

It is so confusing because although I have been extremely generous with my friend from the beginning, and she has been supportive of the program and the work being done at the Community House, what is happening now is so contrary to everything I thought she represented.  

So I am heartbroken and lost.  Not sure how to proceed.  But knowing that I am not doing this alone is helping me to get through.

My decision is to try to stay in a state of loving kindness.  I talk to the spirit of my friend, and open my heart to healing.  I talk to the spirit of God and the Holy Spirit, that I can find comfort in this moment.  

But it waivers, the other side of me fights against being loving.  This side braces against all the possibilities of destruction: mainly, theft at the house and destruction of my property.  She has been keeping my mail from me, and so this morning I went to the post-office and put a stop delivery tag on my address.  This idea came to me, not in fear, but in a state of grace.

The idea to turn off the electric, gas and water have also come to me, but I am afraid this will escalate the situation, and I don't feel the same state of grace in this.

What is good about this situation is that I am learning to tune in to my higher-self, talk to God, and slow down before acting.  Although I have felt nauseaus and truly just wanting to hide in my bed from fear, I am taking the steps forward.  

At the post-office while getting my stop-mail form, there was an older gentleman in line before me.  He started talking about his grandchildren.  He told me that he was going to visit the oldest in Arizona who is graduating with a Master's degree.  He was filled with joy, and it helped soften my mood.  He said he was putting a stop-mail request in.  

I felt the power of the synchronicity.  I told him my story and he shared how he delt with an abusive husband in the neighborhood, which I won't repeat except to say, this ex-Marine does not take any crap!

Well, I told him that I am trying to remain in a state of loving-kindness, and truly his talking with me shifted me back into that awareness. I am more confident that everything will be alright.  I am less afraid, and I am more willing to continue projecting love into the situation with the prayers of hope for liberation.

Also, I am using my favorite prayer:

God If I have to go through this, make it as easy as possible.

Psalms 94  -  God the Refuge of the Righteous94 O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongs--
O God, to whom vengeance belongs, shine forth!
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
[a]Render punishment to the proud.
3 Lord, how long will the wicked,
How long will the wicked triumph?
4 They utter speech, and speak insolent things;
All the workers of iniquity boast in themselves.
5 They break in pieces Your people, O Lord,
And afflict Your heritage.
6 They slay the widow and the stranger,
And murder the fatherless.
7 Yet they say, “The Lord does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob [b]understand.”
8 Understand, you senseless among the people;
And you fools, when will you be wise?
9 He who planted the ear, shall He not hear?
He who formed the eye, shall He not see?
10 He who [c]instructs the [d]nations, shall He not correct,
He who teaches man knowledge?
11 The Lord knows the thoughts of man,
That they are futile.
12 Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O Lord,
And teach out of Your law,
13 That You may give him [e]rest from the days of adversity,
Until the pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the Lord will not [f]cast off His people,
Nor will He forsake His inheritance.
15 But judgment will return to righteousness,
And all the upright in heart will follow it.
16 Who will rise up for me against the evildoers?
Who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?
17 Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
18 If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.
20 Shall the throne of iniquity, which devises evil by law,
Have fellowship with You?
21 They gather together against the life of the righteous,
And condemn innocent blood.
22 But the Lord has been my defense,
And my God the rock of my refuge.
23 He has brought on them their own iniquity,
And shall [g]cut them off in their own wickedness;
The Lord our God shall cut them off.

Napoleon Hill is one of the forerunners in achievement.  His book Think and Grow Rich was published in 1937 and is still respected today for its core principles of motivation and success.  Today we have a myriad of folks who have described the Law of Attraction and how our consciousness creates reality.  This basic metaphysical truth is the foundation of matering the art of creating the life you want.  

As I continue to expand into my creative purpose, I am finding my energy to be easily scattered and that I personally fall into a state of overwhelm. When I get overwhelmed, I usually find I want to avoid my goals.  I want to stay home and water the plants, and pet the animals.  Some days I do that, but usually I push my way through.  Not the energy best suited for creative manifestation.

The overwhelm is caused by too many things pulling my attention.   Even though I am working to keep on track, holding my trajectory, aiming towards my goal, the  pull of everything around me is so persistent.  I need a system. I need to draw on the tools developed by those who have mastered the mind.  I need to start building my mental capacity to become the director of my life.  

This lead me back to some of Napoleon Hill's greatest lessons, from Chapter 2 of the "Law of Success" (1928) he describes the Definite Chief Aim.
"Until a man selects a DEFINITE PURPOSE IN LIFE, he dissipates his energies & spreads his thoughts over so many subjects & in so many different directions that they lead not to power, but to indecision & weakness."
Oh man does that quote feel true right now.  All my energy is scattered to the winds.  I have a faint hope of what I want, and yet the effort is towards everything but what I want, and then there is the doubt.  The indecision that makes me believe I should just give up, or keeps me just showing up without any plan.  No more.  I am going to take personal responsibility for my life, and get with the program.

The Definite Chief Aim as Hill describes it is the main goal.  But more than just having this large looming goal, Hill provides a framework for moving towards it in sequential steps.  This is such the critical piece.  Some manifestation techniques as you simply to hold on to the big picture vision, feel what it would feel like to be in that position.  For me, I can see the big pictue, it is simply that I have trouble knowing how to move towards it.  The vision is easy.  The actions are somehow confusing to me, and then I get stuck.  What is in front of me, is not in alignment with where I really want to be.  How do I get to that goal when it seems so far away?

This is where the DCA, or SCA (singular chief aim) comes in.  David McEwen is a great teacher and I followed his youtube video to create my own DCA.  I loved his example of the plants, maybe because these days I am surrounded by plants, and I can feel the problem acutely.  Here he compares the project goal to a single seed.  Your attention is the water for the seed.  But you only really have enough water for one seed/attention for one project.  I like to think of this not as a seed, but a garden.  It takes time to tend to a garden.  Many people need help with their gardens, and so I could go over, water their peppers, weed their cucumbers, and the like, but what happens to my own garden?  I don't have time to do it all.  Basically, if I try to do it all, nothing is going to grow.   Makes perfect sense.

So, I ask myself, how do I know which project is truly mine?  All these things in front of me seem important.  They all have value.  Here is what I have come to understand.  Gifts + Passion = Purpose.  I have spent my life becoming the person I am today.  I am passionate about education.  I have used my gifts to create a curriculum that meets highly creative kids where they are.  There you go! I now know what my purpose is. I need to be sharing this curriculum I have developed.

Looking objectively at many of my projects, I realize they are really about taking care of others.  These goals serve to move others towards their goals.  Although there is nothing wrong with service, and that can be a primary goal, for me it is a distraction from what is my core mission. This is, in fact, my codependency in action.  By fulfilling the needs of others, I lose track of my own purpose. 

Because I have been programmed to believe that taking care of others is more important than taking care of myself, I am struck with a pang of guilt in wanting to follow my own purpose.  This is the shadow work that has to be finished in order for me to fully step on my path, and to stop watering other peoples gardens.

Focusing on the one seed, the big one, will get me where I want to be in life, and will benefit all aspects of who I am becoming because it represents my divine purpose unfolding.  Now to get specific.  I am looking at the curriculum, where I am at so far.  There are a lot of loose ends.  The DCA helps me know where to start.

What is the DCA that hits the sweet spot that comes with the positive byproducts of fulfilling other aspects of your goals.   Success of the AOK program and Conceptual Math program are the big ones.  This is the DCA for sure.  But so many small little steps to get there.

OK, can I make a DCA that is something I believe I can achieve?

Maybe an achieveable goal is having a group of ten kids running the AOK and Conceptual Math program.    

I can create a scene of this.  I see myself in the room with 10 kids all working on their workbooks, they are all learning, laughing and enjoying the experience.  I have parents who are appreciative and paying me money.  They are a part of the community and they love it.

Now the practice.  David McEwen describes the need to run the scene for 20 minute intervals.  Feeling the positive feelings all the while.  But not to keep the scene itself running the whole time, but rather letting it run in 10 to 20 second intervals.  

OK, I am on it.  Time to meditate!

Remember, Always have:

Appreciation for where you are, and Anticipation for where you are going next <3

I recently learned about creating energetic containers from Christof Melchizedek's Neo Shamanic Society teachings.  When I participated in the opening of the container for the course, the mentor asked us to call in any energies that wanted to be witness, or help in the work we would do within the container.  I had an awareness of ancestors entering the field.

This was a kind of validation of the process.  I hadn't expected it.  I hadn't intended it.  I hadn't searched my mind for it.  It just appeared.  Later in the course as we did the shadow work, it was clear that many of the patterns and roles I was uncovering represented multiple generations of trauma.

How interesting.  I decided to learn more about this concept of the container.

It is somewhat like a morphic field, but that is anchored in by intention.  Intention being a type of energetic attractor in its own right, shaping the consciousness field around it, the container is like the edges of the field, helping to clarify and hold the energy at the preferred state.

The container might represent the energetic blueprint.  It might represent the perfect vibrational match to what is wanting to be created.  It is not different from the morphic field, but perhaps more intentionally created that an organically emergent field.  Perhaps the container is exclusive?  The truth is I am experiementing at the moment.  I am working with my own consciousness to see what I might discover about the power of the container.

Today as I am writing this, I am working in the field of the new container of our writing circle.  I opened the container with the group, calling in the energies of authors who hesitated, or had self-doubt, but then broke through, that they could share their energetic blueprint of success with us.  

Well, so far so good.  I have written and published one thing!  Let's keep energizing this container with success.  Join us for our Writing Circle!

I recently learned the concept of projection entanglement and it has impacted my ability to effectively direct my thought patterns, especially regarding negative thinking relating to scenarios with others.

As all those who have even touched into the realm of manifestation or quantum reality know, Thoughts are Things.  They have the power to create.  Thought/Consciousness is primary and 3D reality follows.

So it is critical that we take conscious control of our thoughts.  Maybe control is not the best word, it is more like Choose our thoughts, or even the more gentle, Direct our thoughts.  Point being, I don't need to be a drill sargent, which will fill my energy with rigidity.  I can gently pull towards me the images and feelings that I desire to see and just as gently let go of the negative ideas and images.

Back to the story...I was talking about projection entanglement, which can be described as quantum entanglement into someone else's mental field.  

So the story is that I had allowed an injured friend to stay in my house while she recovered.  Shortly after moving in she put up a no trespassing sign and started to tell the neighbors it was no longer my house.  When I found this out, I simply asked her to take down the sign.  I explained that I had been working for almost 10 years to build loving connection and community in the neighborhood, and the sign was contrary to that vision.  I also said the neighbors were all kind and she could just be kind and courteous back.  

She didn't respond.  I didn't write anything more, but I could hear in my head her arguing about it.  Since I have a relationship with her, I know her pattern of response, and how she has responded in the past.  In quantum entanglement, it is possible to read someone elses thoughts.  It was a general response, and indeed I was engaged with the "debate" in this mental energy field.  

Time passed and still no response, and I also didn't respond "in the 3D", but the mental chatter continued.  Then I learned about projection entanglement, and realized I was completely engaged in this activity.  I stopped, felt into my heart, envisioned what I desired (her understanding the vision of loving community, and willingly embracing this idea).  

Not 10 minutes later I got a text from her.  She said she would take down the sign.

​How cool is that!?

Soul fragmentation sounds so dramatic, but I am beginning to think it is a natural effect of Earth existence.  I have always been interested in the mind-control projects like MK-Ultra and how it was possible to segment aspects of the consciousness of someone to such a great extent that there could be more than one identity.  But what is becoming apparent to me is that these animated manchurian candidates are simply extreme examples of what happens to all of us when our love stream is fragmented, just in a much lesser way.

Let me break it down according to how I see it at this moment.

At our soul's essence we are radiating Love Frequency  Embodied Source Energy.  Sorry for so many words, but these are not even enough words to describe what we actually are.  The Original Source Code is made to connect, but it has a mechanism to protect the vessel from being drained of it's Light.  This is the Ego.  The Ego is the interface.  It develops according to the lessons it learns from its environment.  When something allows the Love to flow, it matures in that direction, when something has no love light, it grows in the opposite direction, but when something is arbitrary, or alternates, or has completely damaged the radiation, the program diverts a piece of the soul energy to become the guardian at the gate. 

The guardian is ever vigilant, looking for potential evidence for the violation of flow.  It guards against being damaged or drained again.  However, this does come at a cost.  There is energy required for this part of the soul force to maintain its role.

What happens if the trauma is so persistent or pronounced?  The guardian can start to take on a life of its own.  It can serve to stay vigilant, while the rest of the soul energy remains hidden.  It can actually start to run the show, as is evidenced by the research in Disassociative Identity Disorder.  

Back to the small fragmentations, there could be many.  What happens when the Guardian recognizes an offender.  Someone who could possibly damage or drain the light, it activates the Adaptive Program.  

These adaptive programs are not the original Source Code, but an imposter code, like a virus.  They were created to protect,  but because they protect us from connection, they do a great deal of damage to a souls true expression.  The are a false overlay on the otherwise perfect expression of love.  

These can be dissolved and we can come back to the truth of who we are.  We can reclaim those guardians back into our core essence, and when this happens, we become coherent.  We become integrous.  We are whole and at peace.

Work of Healing the Child Within leads us to this state.

​ 

I have worked for a decade and more on my "shadow".  All the negative aspects of self that seem to keep me trapped in the loop of self-sabotage and isolation.  So it always surprises me when I discover that an old pattern I thought had healed comes up for re-examination.

This one is a deep one.  It is the automatic message my mind plays, "I hate myself."  As clear as day, the minute I make a little mistake, here comes the voice, "I hate myself."

What a jerk!  Who is this annoying voice anyway?  And why won't they keep their opinions to themselves?

So, for years I have tried reprogramming this voice.  I have repeated for hours and hour the phrase, "I love myself".  Literally, on my way down to teach in aspiring principals in Normal, IL I would say these three words over and over, tapping them out on the steering wheel.  And still I would be tense and nervous as I stood in front of a class of graduate students.

I did realize that the "I love myself" was somewhat contrived, a superficial bandaid.  I didn't really love myself, and even as I said it, it felt fake.  But I kept saying it anyway.  I did have some funny experiences, like when I accidently dropped my bowl of cereal, instead of the "I hate myself" popping up in my mind, the mind quipped "I love myself,"  Now that's much better, don't you think?

Then I did deepen the thought.  I would say I love myself, and then ask, well, what do you love about yourself, and I would make a list in my mind.  This deepened my self-esteem just a bit more.  But the truth is, I wasn't going into the wound yet.

I finally realized that my attempt to use, I love myself to heal the reason for this inner voice saying I hate myself,  was in vane.  This approach had done little to actually address the issue, the core wound.  When I discovered another path, a deeper journey, I was somewhat shocked, and dumbfounded.  It was there all along, a path to heal the wound, not just cover it up.

It was all about staying aware and expanding my consciousness in the moment that the "I hate myself" popped into my head.  When I did this, I discovered there is a structure underlying this message.  One of the elements, is that of performing.  When I pretend to know something I don't.  Often in my life, I have tried to be something that didn't feel like me.  I can't really blame myself, I didn't even know who I was, so how could I be me.  

Then there was a flood of feelings, regret and sadness.  Shame and fear.  By saying "I hate myself", it seems like I blocked all these flood of feelings.  I ended the inner emotional turmoil by locking them all up in the cell labelled "I hate myself".  

Well, no more.  I am opening the cell, and now, each time that voice arises, I realize it is an opportunity to tune into what I am feeling, forgive and heal those parts that feel unseen, inadequate and the need to be something more for someone else.  I can breathe in and remind myself, that I only need to be me, and that is enough.  It is just right.  It feels so good to be me, and know that you have permission to be you.  You are perfect just as you are.  No more performing.  No more pretending.

​LOVE YOURSELF <3

What does quantum spoon bending and our group on Healing the Child Within have in common?  They are both working with established morphogenetic fields.

So the other day I signed up to participated in a Quantum Spoon Bending course hosted by Gene Ang.  One point he makes is that indeed you can do the spoon bending through energy and intention, but by being a part of an established you are tapping into an existing field where people have successfully practiced the art of spoon bending together.  By tuning into the energies already established, it is like putting in a little jet fuel in your rocket.  It will make it easier to succeed.

Although I am new at running a workshop for co-dependency, I am riding the wave of Charles Whitfield, a legend in the field of codependency and inner child work.  By doing a book study, which is different from any other offering I have given in the past, we are working with an established energy field developed over 40 years of people who have healed using his book "Healing the Child Within".

  We are still at the stage of identifying our false self, and this is critical, but of course we want to move beyond just recognizing the shadow.  We want to heal, and to heal completely. 

One of my favorite Truths from this book is that so many of the mental disorders people are diagnosed with are actually trauma responses and maladaptive psychological behaviors that CAN BE HEALED.

Instead of being defeated and believing that these disorders are a permanent part of one's psyche, Whitfield shows a way out of the self-defeating patterns, and all without medications.

I am so grateful for this work, as it has completely changed the course of my life.

Please join us as we explore this book together.  See our courses page for more information.

​