There is a lot happening in my life that feels incredibly unfair, and yet because of my spiritual practice and growth it is all alright.

Do I always enjoy it?  No!

I believe the adage, "everything happens for a reason".  I used to add, yes and that reason is that I am an idiot or I made a bone-head decision.  I didn't always recognize the deeper meaning behind everything that I do and all that comes into my experience.

I was having a conversation with one of my beautiful spiritual teachers in this life, Barbarah Nicoll, and she spoke about how we live in fields of agreement, and the fields allow for some things to happen, and restrict others.  She had been a colleague of mine when I worked at the SelfDesign Institute.  She was instumental in bringing me into the institute, and she also experienced some of the abuses that one member imposed on so many of us there.  

I had shared with her a conversation and how I had wanted to speak my truth but wasn't given the chance.  She explained that there was no way I could speak that into the space, because on the spiritual and energetic level there was a complete block.  There was no agreement to allow that in.

When I made the decision to shut down the two houses that made up the center of the Community House, I was devistated.  One thing that kept sticking in my mind was a little bit of a song Melody had sang.  I often find that my intuition speaks to me in song.  It was just the line, "You weren't allowed".  

Finally after days of this song being stuck in my head, I reflected on the line.  Yes, indeed, I wasn't allowed.  The space was not ready for what I was bringing.  But, I did energize the space, and started my work on the field of agreement.  Now is the time to start to build that field, and attract those who share the same goals.

Everything happens in God's timing.  The reasons for things may not be know in the moment, or I may never fully understand.  I can let go of the hurts and fogive others who are seemingly against me and realize, they are evolving and acting out their parts in this drama.  And most importantly, I can trust the greater wisdom of all things unfolding, and walk with peace and purpose towards my goals.  

I continue to be interested in the truth of Christianity.  I am not interested in DOGma, I am not interested in superstition.  I am not interested in divisiveness and superiority.  These are not what I believe Christianity, or rather the teachings of Yeshua are about.  I an interested in the spiritual truths that these teachings offer.

One of the issues we face in understanding these truths is the way in which this knowledge has been censored and selected for us.  Did you know there are more books of the Bible than you find in the cannonized King James version?  The process of selection was done by Constantine in the 4th century.  These "edits" as they are referred to, excluded many of the more mystical texts: the gnostic texts.

One of the gnostic texts is the Book of Thomas. It was uncovered in the Nas Hammadi library in the 1940s, and has been verified as a legitimate text by scholars. Rather than an account of the life of Jesus, this book is a collection of quotes -114 sayings.  About half of the sayings can be found in the traditional Gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.  The other half are previously unknown teachings.  

I was recently listening to a youtuber talk about Saying #7.  

Blessed is the lion that becomes man when consumed by man
and cursed is the man whom the lion consumes and the man becomes a lion.

He explained it as such:  

The lion is the ego, or false self
The man is the authentic self

This is a beautiful saying for someone like me who is working a program of Codependents Anonymous.  It validates the goals of CoDA.  That is to discover the true self.  Know Thyself!