Codependency & Gender Dysphoria

There is a growing phenomenon of gender dysphoria in our youth.  It started to really grow back in 2020 at the peak of Covid.  It was met by a strange response.  Primarily, it was met by affirming of the false belief.  The belief that if the young person were to change their gender then, all of the feelings of self-alienation would be gone. 

As I have spent the past 10 years developing my own awareness of how codependency manifests as a phenomenon within myself, and others, I see the problems with turning toward affirming the false identity in general.

Codependency can be defined as a loss of self.  How does a concept of self develop?  It requires that I am allowed to explore my own interests, that I can express myself, and that those self-expressions are seen and validated, not minimized or judged as unacceptable.  If these are not met, as Charles Whitfield describes it, the self "goes into hiding".  I then create a false self that I present to the world.  This false self is one that is acceptable to those around me.



In a spiritual awakening, I come to understand that I am a unique expression of God.

Codependence as False Coherence
Codependence is not kindness. It is not loyalty. It is not love. It is the absence of a rooted self.
And so the self becomes built from others:

• “Who am I without you?”
• “Am I okay, as long as you approve of me?”
• “My reality is based on how you respond.”

In this way, the codependent person seeks coherence through the eyes of another.
They crave a structured world, because inside, everything feels unstable.
They are deeply vulnerable to:

• Charismatic leaders
• Systems that claim certainty
• Partners who promise protection (even abusively)
• Identities that offer them worth

They do not ask, “Is this true?”
They ask, “Will this make me feel safe?”

Cults, Codependents, and the Lie of Belonging
When a codependent enters a cult, or an ideology that mimics a sense of order, it feels like love.
It feels like “finally, someone sees me.”
But really--someone is absorbing them.
Their  gentleness, willingness to defer, and desire to please becomes their undoing in the hands of those who exploit.
This is why it is so tragic. 
They are not trying to dominate or manipulate.
They are trying to belong.
And so they disappear into roles, into causes, into collective identities,
losing even the small threads of selfhood they were once clinging to.