Truth is for those who want it...

(and not everyone wants it)

I have shared in this blog at other times my personal desire to know Truth with a capital T. I am willing to go down the rabbit hole, and I keep an open mind.

Truth is available.  It is like a relationship with God.  It is available to those who want it, but it take work and the willingness to let go of personal desires.  Of course I want the world to be a certain way, but I must deal with the realities of where we are in actuality.

I often have called myself an idealist-realist.  I believe in the existence of the ideal.  This is what I call "God's vision of the world".  There is also the actual state of the world, and that cannot be denied.  Otherwise we are not living in reality, and delusion is in its essence a lie.  The lie is the domain of the devil.  It can only lead to destruction.

So I choose to live in the reality.  It is painful to look at the ugly truth of where we have arrived in this world.  There is such a great degree of devisiveness, and isolation.  I am not only a truth seeker, but a truth-teller.  Very much like an evangelist who is seeking to save souls from hell, I feel like the truth being told and seen can prevent so much suffering, and move us towards God's vision of this Earth that he created for us.

The sad thing is that not everyone is interested in seeing the Truth.  I have been through this for many years.  Come to think of it, for most of my life.  When I was barely a teen, my father, who was an alcoholic, claimed to have quit drinking.  I discovered his stash of liquor, hidden in various drink containers, from apple juice, to tea, to tonic water.  When I said something about it, I was told I was crazy.  As a young person it was so alienating.  To have truth denied causes a deep inner sense of confusion.  To be told to be quiet, causes the soul to become separated from the world.  My voice is not welcomed. I am not welcomed.  It would be better if I weren't even here.  This dynamic ultimately led to my suicide attempt.  Where I had an NDE that then changed the trajectory of my life.  But that is a story for another time.

I continued to have throughout my life the ability to see corruption.  I worked in a lab as a technician at the VA Hospital in Dallas TX.  Here I was using a technique that could measure compounds in the brain at the level of picomoles.  After several weeks of cleaning up the system I started a new protocol and was getting good results.  I had used a moble phase (the liquid medium that would help isolate the compounds of interest) from a successful University lab.  Then for no reason, the lab manager switched out my moble phase.  I was just the technician so I didn't mind.  I can follow orders if they are not against basic core values.  Also, this new moble phase had incredible "peaks", that is the ability to measure picomoles was so enhanced, it helped with the data analysis.

However, after the change in moble phase, something happened to the profile of the dopamine curve.  Instead of dropping after several minutes, it stayed elevated for hours.  I spent several weeks trying to figure out this anomaly.  Ultimately to no avail.  My lab manager switched me to a new project, to supposedly finish something they had worked on and never completed.  I started on this new project and was given an assistant.  This was key to my discovery.  The new assistant accedently added too much of a particular binder in the moble phase.  The result was that a new "peak" appeared.  I uncovered the fraud.  

This is probably too much for people who are not familiar with HPCL to understand so I will just leave it at that.  I discovered fraud.  I wound up leaving the lab.  I did try to confront the situation, but everyone just denied it.  My regret is that I didn't say something to the higher-ups.  I had called a professor I respected at Rutgers to ask her opinion.  Dr. Morell.  She had taught our course on ethics, and I remember her saying how falsifying data can cause so much confusion in the field.  It can take years to undo the damage done.  

She told me that to open up that can of worms could be ruinous to my career, and they may never find the truth even so.  Now I realize, it would have been worth it. 

Several years later, I saw a Congressional Hearing with a panel of experts who were exposing evidence from ground zero that there was the presence of military grade thermate in the sample.  The professor Steven Jones from Brigham Young University used a technique similar to the one I had used.  A technique that could give a chemical fingerprint so precise they could actually determine what lab the compound had been created in.  Things like Potassium Permanganate were present.  This compound is so volitile it does not stay stable in the environment.  When you add water, it will burn a hole in your clothing, or your finger as I found out when in my college chemistry lab.  That led me to a deep investigation of the matter, and I spent the next several years trying to talk to people about it.  I finally gave up, realizing most people are unable to accept uncomfortable truths.  I made the decision to try to work in the light.  I could discuss those areas people could agree on.  I could stay in truth, but not alienate people.  There are always things we all agree on, right?  Kindness, neighborliness, taking care of one another, educating our children.  These are core values everyone shares. 

But now, I am being called to expose corruption again. 

I am a truth-teller.  I do not feel right keeping secrets.  I have been convicted in my own beliefs, and I am willing to stand behind them even at the risk of losing friends, family members, and even my own life.

Today I see with clarity.  God's plan is perfect.  I have been given these challenges throughout my life to galvanize my spirit. Making the decision to see Truth is liberating.  Through this, I am able to see my true purpose and walk confidently on my path.  This process of embracing Truth has helped me to developed discernment.  The ability to sense physically and through direct knowing, the resonance of Truth.  Am I perfect at it?  Not even close, but I believe the more I make the decision to seek Truth, and let go of how I think things should be, the more I can sense the presence of Truth. 

Just as the ability to know God is available for those who want it, the ability to know Truth is there for those who want it.  It comes with a price, but just as Neo had to give up his comfortable existence in the movie The Matrix, what kind of life would it be to live a comfortable lie?  I choose the Red Pill.

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